


What Even Is This? alternative title: Deceit's Fanfiction

by periwren



Series: Based from Thomas's videos [13]
Category: Real Person Fiction, Sander Sides, Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Deceit Sanders Acting Terrible, Fanfiction, Remus Sanders Acting Terrible, Sleep/Remy sanders mentioned, Writing, creative writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2020-05-12 14:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19230655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/periwren/pseuds/periwren
Summary: Deceit Sanders is a terrible side who now has a new weapon to use against the others: Fanfiction!Based from Thomas's Taking Creative Liberties short.





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey there and good morning everyone, I’m the loveable character from Thomas’s story of life!” cried Patton bounding into the kitchen one morning. But only Deceit was awake this morning.

“Oh boy!” exclaimed Deceit, “You’re like a little cinnamon roll!”

Patton laughed, “Yup.”

“It’d be a shame if someone were to write … dark fanfiction about you.” said Deceit holding up a dark notebook and some pens with little flags attached saying “Angst”, “Hurt/NoComfort” and “Major Character Death”

Patton’s cheery smile dropped as Deceit started chucking darkly.

“What? Why? No. NO”

“Oh yeah.”

“NOOO”

“AHAHAHAH HA HA!”

“NOOOOOOOOOO!”

 **** 

Later Deceit was walking down the hallway next to Logan when suddenly he asked the serious side.

“So Logan, you are Thomas’s sinky poo poo side correct?”

“What? No! I am Thomas’s Logical side.” shouted Logan.

“Oh right – of course but …. you know…”

“What?”

“It’s just… wouldn’t it be a shame if someone, oh I dunno… wrote romantic fan fiction about you.” said Deceit holding up his notebook and pen flags with “Friends to lovers”, “Sexual Content” and “LAMP Smut”

“What? No. No!”

“Mwah ha ha.” cackled Deceit as he ran away.

“Deceit stop. No. What does that last one even mean!?!”

 ****

“Hello Virgil.”

“Piss off.”

“Oh come now, Virgil don’t be like that. I just wanted to tell you about my exciting new project.”

“Oh really, wow that sounds interesting – oh wait no it doesn’t because I don’t care.”

“That’s right – you don’t care stuff like this do you. You’re very detached or indifferent about what others do aren’t you. Very lone wolf.”

“Yeah – so?”

“Well it would be a shame… if someone were to write emotionally charged fanfiction about you.” Again Deceit produced his notebook and pens this time with “Touch-starved” “Soulmates AU” and “FamILY story: AnxiousVirgil just needs a hug.”

Virgil screamed with rage and lunged at Deceit trying to snatch the book and pens away but Deceit vanished instantly with a faint pop. He dropped a pen as he fled, that Virgil picked up which read “Crossdressing CatVirgil.”

“What the hell?”

 ****

“Deceit!” shouted Roman as he kicked down the dark sides bedroom door brandishing his sword.

“Ah, hello Roman. Lovely to see you. Thank you so much for breaking my door.”

“The others have told me about your fiendish plot to write slanderous content about them and I have come to put a stop to it!”

“Oh really Roman? Is that really true  - you’ve come to stop me writing about the others or … have you come to demand that I write about you.”

“I-”

“It must pain you terribly that the others have their own stories but I haven’t done one for you yet.”

“Well … I suppose.”

“I mean after all you are such an exciting character – much better suited to fanfiction – I mean you’re the embodiment of Thomas’s creativity/imagination, his romantic feelings and even some speculate his feminine side. Imagine the endless possibilities of fictional stories the fanders could write with you! _Much_ more interesting than anything with the other sides.”

Roman tried (and failed) to not look flattered.

Deceit picked up his notebook and pens, “So… it would be such a shame if someone wrote fanfiction where you were… just a background character!”

Roman gasped, horrified.

Deceit laughed as he waved his pens menacingly, “Minor Roman Sanders”, “Roman Sanders Mentioned” and “Roman’s there but only if you squint”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 ****

Somewhere else in the house Roman’s scream woke up Remy who rubbed his eyes under his stylish sunglasses, “Oh what the heck man, how’s anyone meant to get their beauty sleep with these basic bitches screaming. Oh, forget it. I’m gonna get up and get some coffee and slay.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit needs more ideas. He seeks out the master.

Deceit had to be quick. This man was like a mythical Pokémon, it was a rare occurrence for him to grace you with his presence, but he took flight easily. One moment he was there and the next he was gone in a cloud of his own awesomeness and sass.

“Remy…?”

“Hmm, yeah?”

“Um … can you give me some more ideas. For fanfiction with the other sides.”

Remy looked disinterested, “Hmmm I dunno-”

“It’s just yours are _so_ much better than mine.” said Deceit.  

Remy smirked.

Deceit breathed a sigh of relief, like Roman, Remy was susceptible to unabashed flattery.

“Well…. Okay. How about you write about Virgil having to survive a zombie apocalypse – _but_ he has to do it with some random girl he’s never met before. He’s soooo socially awkward, it’ll be funny.”

Deceit quickly opened his notebook and began furiously writing.

“And for Roman hmm. Oh my gosh wouldn’t it be funny if he met Liza Minnelli in a dream and she, like, hated him.”

“Oh, these are terrible.” muttered Deceit smiling widely, writing as fast as he could to keep up.

“Oh my gosh! Wouldn’t it be HILARIOUS if Logan had a sexy dream about Remus and it make it super awkward when he saw him tomorrow!”

“Oh, Remy how do you do the things you do?” beamed Deceit.

“Just shut up, it’s funny.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH- I've just realised in writing this I've been to close to the original video; okay so everybody just imagine where Remy says the word "dream" he actually means the word "write" because he's meant to be giving Deceit ideas for fanfiction not dreams.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit takes a new approach to writing his fanfiction. Thanks to the other sides it does not work out as well as it should.

Deceit walked into the living room, where Patton and Roman were watching some bubbly cartoon on the TV, carrying three boxes.

The boxes were green, black and blue.

“Whacha got there Deceit?” asked Patton cheerfully.

“Well, I’ve decided to _not_ take your advice and try and write some nicer fanfiction stories.” replied Deceit, “But I knew _exactly_ how to do that, so I asked Roman here for some ideas.”

“Oh.” exclaimed Roman excitedly, he knew what the boxes were now, he got up eagerly and rushed over as Deceit placed the three boxes on the floor and sat down in front of them. Patton got up and joined them on the floor.

“Okay fellas, you want to fill your dear old pops in?” asked Patton examining the boxes, all three had holes at the top and seemed to have something inside them.

“You see Patton, this is a particularly useful activity for those who suffer from writers block –” started Roman.

“Are these the blocks?” asked Patton.

“Yes.” said Deceit.

“ _NO_ – writers block means your stuck for ideas about what to write. So what you do is you have three different boxes and you fill them with pieces of papers with different prompts. For example, you could have a different one for place, person, object. Or theme of story, plot twists – that sort of thing.” explained Roman.

“I definitely _did_ _not_ just tell the people who filled the boxes to write whatever they wanted.” said Deceit.

“The activity should still work even like that. For example, if you pulled out three prompts that were three “places” you could write a story about someone travelling to those places.” said Roman.

“Oh, this sounds like fun!” exclaimed Patton bouncing up and down, “Let’s each pick one for Deceit to write a story about.”

“Let’s _not_. I’ll go _last_.” said Deceit reaching into a box pulling out a piece of paper which read: Childhood friends

“Okay me next.” said Roman pulling out his paper which read: Difficult Uni entrance exams

“Alright so, so far we have a story about childhood friends – and they both want to attend the same university together, but maybe one or both are struggling to meet entrance requirements and if they don’t pass the friends will be separated for the first time in their lives – okay Patton what’s the next prompt?”

Patton quickly reached in and grabbed his paper, “Okey-doke our story now has… a double suicide.”

The three sides sat in stony silence for awhile, Patton looked particularly upset.

“Redo, redo!” shouted Roman, grabbing the three pieces of paper, crumpling them up and throwing them across the room, “That one doesn’t count. Let’s do it again!”

Roman reached into a box and pulled out a new piece of paper, “Okay we have: Youtuber.”

“Oh like Thomas, we can definitely write a story about him!” said Patton cheering up a bit.

“Yeah. You go now Patton.”

Patton reached into a box, “Um… I have: Full frontal nudity”

Roman stared at him wide eyed as Deceit tried to muffle his laughter behind his hand, grabbing his own piece of paper with the other.

“And our last prompt is _not_ : Unemployment.”

“Oh no.” said Patton.

Roman snatched the papers away again, “Okay, those two were just practices – they don’t count! Alright _this_ one: Valentine’s day!”

Deceit pulled out: Home cooking

“Finally, so we have a nice story about someone baking someone something special for Valentine’s day. And what else Padre?”

“A House Fire.” said Patton looking at his paper.

“ _Goddammit_!” shouted Roman.

“Roman, I don’t think I like this game, these are not nice stories.” whimpered Patton.

“I can’t believe that my original smut writing was actually better than this.” said Deceit.

“NO! This is a good writing exercise! It’s just – it’s just, Deceit who did you get to give you these prompts? They’re the ones who are ruining this!” snapped Roman.

“I _didn’t_ ask Logan, Remus and Virgil.” said Deceit.

“That explains it,” huffed Roman, “Those idiots.”

“Roman that’s mean.” said Patton.

“Excuse me, I am no idiot Roman.” said Logan entering the room, followed by Virgil who looked anxious because it looked like Remus was following him.

“I would expect that kind of talk from Deceit, but why are you sprouting such lies?” asked Logan as he and the others looked down curiously at the three boxes on the floor.

The others explained what they were doing and their unfortunate combination of writing prompts.

“I don’t think it’s very fair that you give me equal blame for this situation,” said Logan, “I don’t think _my_ prompts are the issue here.” He gave a quick side glance over to the most likely culprit.

“Do you fellas want a turn?” asked Patton always one to get others to join in, together as a family.

“Yeah!” shouted Remus clapping his hands excitedly, Virgil just shrugged.

Remus hurriedly reached into the blue box, pulling out a several pieces of paper at once.

“No Remus just one!” snapped Roman trying to pull the papers out of his brother’s hand.

“Oh poo. Fine. This one then, oooh I got: Roman Sanders!”

Patton held up the black box to Virgil who shrugged reached inside and pulled out: Musical

Roman looked so happy.

“Yes, yes this is perfect. Deceit you can write a musical all about me! I love it!”

Deceit cleared his throat awkwardly, eyeing off the last box, “Logan _doesn’t_ have to pick the last prompt.”

Logan looked at the last box suspiciously. It was a green box.

“Go on Lo.” said Patton oblivious the sudden tension in the room.

“Yeah, do it Logan.” smirked Virgil, who had worked out why every story was such a disaster.

Roman picked up the green box and held it up to Logan. Roman had clearly not worked out why every story was a disaster.

“C’mon, hurry up pocket protector – I wanna know what else happens in my fabulous musical!”

Sighing, thinking it was best to get it over with – hey maybe it wouldn’t be too bad – Logan reached into the green box and pulled out a prompt.

He quickly crumpled it up in his hand after reading it, “No.”

“What was it?”

“Nothing.”

“It had to be something, turn it around maybe it was written on the back.”

“No, you-you don’t want to know Roman!”

“Yes I do! I want my musical!” he said as he grabbed Logan’s hand and prying it open to get to the paper.

“Okay Deceit, this will be your greatest work ever. It will be an amazing musical about yours truly and in it : The Main Character Dies Immediately  – WHAT?!?” screamed Roman as he kicked the three boxes across the room.


	4. But Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit doesn't make an appearance but he does want to make everything gayer.

Roman gawked at the shopping list attached to the fridge with a mix of shock and confusion.

_Was this right? Did Thomas actually want all these things?_

Roman’s thoughts were interrupted by an angry Virgil.

“Dammit, Deceit’s at it again with his writings.” snapped Virgil waving a TV guide in Romans face.

“Do people still actually use physical copies of TV guides anymore?” asked Roman.

“For the sake of this fic they do.” replied Virgil.

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Moving on – yes we have a TV guide and Deceit’s written all over it. Look every program description he’s gone and added something to it. And now everything is gay!”

“Well, I would enjoy more mainstream openly gay programs – we are still fighting for a gay Disney prince after all.”

“I don’t know. I just think this might be too much.” said Virgil sceptically, “I mean look at this; Cooking show **but gay**. House flipping international **but super gay**. Golf tournament but **with sexy results.** ”

“Virgil you realise he’s just scribbled on that guide – he doesn’t have the power to physically change the TV shows, right? Although, you have helped me figure out something that was puzzling me.” said Roman.

“What?” asked Virgil.

“Thomas’s shopping list. I believe Deceit might have struck here too. See, **extra long bananas, corn dogs, thick juicy sausage, lube, strawberry flavoured condoms, pineapple flavoured condoms, chocolate flavoured condoms, tissues, banana flavoured condoms** \- ”

Virgil covered his ears and physically cringed, “Oh god please stop!”

“Does our local super market stock all these items?” asked Roman.

“I don’t know… maybe? I think-”

“AHH!”

There was a loud shout from upstairs, Virgil and Roman looked at the ceiling as they heard Logan cry out “PATTON STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Curious, Roman and Virgil went to Patton’s room to find, a very alarmed and flustered looking Logan, a concerned and apologetic looking Patton, both sitting around a mess of bits of wood, screws and other building materials.

“I’m sorry Logan.” cried Patton.

“So you should be! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?” shrieked Logan rubbing his neck furiously.

“Be-because that’s what the next step said. But-but I must have done it wrong – I’m sorry.” stammered Patton.

“WHAT!” shouted Logan.

“What happened?” asked Virgil.

“We are building a desk.” explained Patton.

“Exactly. So why did you try and _kiss me!_ ” Logan looked like he was about to have a mental break down.

Roman gave a low whistle, “Wow, bold Patton.” Everyone (except Logan) knew that Patton had the biggest crush on Logan ever but had never got up the nerve to make a move.

“Because -because that’s the next step!” cried Patton waving the instructions.

“Ridiculous.” snapped Logan snatching the papers out of Patton’s hands.

Logan’s face dead-panned as he read over the “How To Build A Desk” guide, “Patton… who made all these additions to the official instructions?”

Patton quirked his head to the side, “Additions?”

“Yes: The parts that are not typed – the black penned parts!”

Virgil took the instructions from Logan and started reading them with Roman. He had to bite his lips to stop from laughing.

Instructional manual for building a desk – **But GAY!**

**Step 0.5: Remove your pants.**

Step 1: Lay out all materials and check that they match the contents listed on the side of the box. If any items are missing contact supplier on XXXX number. (scribbled just after this was) **Go and find Logan and ask him to help you.**

Virgil and Roman didn’t bother reading the rest of the proper instructions and it was clear that the others hadn’t gotten that far along before Patton had reached **Step 3.5 Passionately kiss his neck, to drive him wild with ecstasy, ensure to leave a huge hicky.**

“Deceit.” said everyone in unison answering Logan’s question.

“You…ah didn’t think it was strange that Patton was trying to build a desk with no pants on?” asked Virgil looking at Patton who was sitting happily in his briefs.

“I-I thought Patton was being… Patton.” replied Logan.

“You know – if you follow these instructions the desk will still get built you know -OW.” cried Roman as Logan kicked him in the shin.

Virgil smirked as he joined in too, “I mean Roman’s not wrong and think about it – most instruction manuals only go as far as getting the desk built – but this one goes that step further: **Final step; To test the structural integrity and strength of your newly built desk, f@$# Logan on it!** ”


End file.
